Do you remember?

Remember the time when i was crying?
Remember how you held me close?
Remember when you cried with me?
Remember what i wrote before?

Remember how you listened to me?
Remember when you called me up?
Remembering me to just keep breathing.
Remember what i wrote before?

so its time to move on from all the lies and all half-truths. it is hard when you have gave everything that you have,love, trust and commitment, and accepted flaws and faults. hard to collect back the bits and pieces strewn all over the ground. to form back what you once were. possible, but there will be pieces that have flown with the wind or taken by the waves. but you do it, you pick up what is left. walk slowly on the ever yielding sands, bend and reach for the broken pieces that you can find.

and maybe,just maybe, it will be whole again.

for the missing bits, pieces that were taken by the waves and flew with the winds, might come back in different forms. be it a beautiful shell or raindrops. slowly, it will return: different, almost unrecognisable but there it is, a missing piece returning.

i turn back to my faith. madness, this faith business. putting your absolute trust over something that might or may not happen. on something that is uncertain and intangible. but its your only hope for sanity. faith is the only thing that keeps you going and moving on. something to hold on to, to say "it will be ok, things will turn out right, you wait and see"

faith and words.

only through words i could express my faith. though faith in its madness is quite a fathomless feeling.

i appreciate life. i love small wonders. i love when the rain falls down and i could see the tear shaped drops fall and scatter all over as it touch the ground i walk on, close my eyes and listen to the thunder and lightning rolling, crashing as it cleanses the world as it cleanses my soul. and once in while, just to stand in the rain. i dont think you know that. i love to see the waves roll in as the sun sets, touching the sky with strokes of pink, oranges, purple and blue. i love to feel the warmth of the sun caress my skin, making me feel im alive and i love to see the moon when its full and when the stars are bright as if its there just for me, just a twinkling and shining. a show just for me. thats where my faith lies.

Remember what i wrote before?
Because of you, i am now whole.

Walk slowly on the ever yielding sand,
bend and reach for the broken pieces that you can find,
and sure enough, my faith pulled through,
i found my treasure when i'm with you.*

Happy Valentine Mohd Zulhelmy.

*Two pieces of seaglass found on a beach at Port Dickson. Their edges smooth, worn by the sea, rocks, coral and sand over an unknown number of years. I was lucky to find these two that could be shaped into a heart. Maybe, it's just coincidence, but maybe it's fate.