There's a new baby in the house

not like there are no news.

not like there are no interesting news.
not like i will die not typing them.
and not like you will die not reading them.
...ive been...busy doing everything else. everything else but this.

but i have a phoootoooo!

hup hup rah rah to the new member of the family, the baby that makes zul very very afraid for some strange reason, MILO!


Milo was a stray cat that followed us home one night. we tried to look for his mama but no traces of her were left. it was just him by the elevator. he followed us into the elevator and exited when we did, followed zul as he walk to the door. and so we let him in. he was mewing and mewing but we had nothing to feed him with except plain water. his housemate woke up from his slumber to look at the little noise maker and remarked he saw a full grown cat with the same markings as Milo. But we wasnt sure what to do yet.

Milo would climb on anyones lap to get a little warmth and a cuddle. seeing he was a bit smelly cat, we covered him in zul's old kain pelikat and only then place him on our lap alternately, so that our proximity and body warmth would make him relax and basically, force him to sleep! and after a while, he did slept Thats when we decided if we can find the mom, we will leave him with her, but if we cant..then we take him home, as in MY home. but by then, i knew i cant part from this skinny rat even if we found the mom, i was secretly hoping we wont find her. a skinny little kitten that is affectionate to human beings, is not easy to find.

...we didnt find the mom (honestly, we didnt look very hard). so he was ours. we threw a bunch of names to him. from Rat to Dog, from Busuk to Mengada, from Mahathir to Micheal, and finally my little brother said...lets call him Milo and make my maid go crazy whenever we call him because she gets confused...

are we calling Milo or asking for a cup of Milo?

....we get confused too...but just wait till next month...when we get another kitten, going to be called...Coffee.

Milo and Coffee. the two favourite words in the house :)

ps: milo is no longer a skinny little rat after a week in the house. he is now a fat buncit little rat.

pps: second day Milo was in the house and still in confinement in my room, my dad knocked on my door at 7 am and asked "where's milo?" i was wondering whhhyyyyyy and answered "under my bed probably", he looked for milo and said "bye bye milo" and stroked his head for a bit "nanti papa jumpa balik". and my dad put milo back in his Ikea bed and left the room. ... ...that was it.

i later found out my dad left for Labuan that morning. he said goodbye to Milo but not his daughter. :o

ppps: my mom is now calling for milo. MY MOTHER THE ANTI-CAT IS CALLING FOR MILO TO COME TO HER!!! ....do you know how shocking this is?! ....oh wait...shes talking to him. "Milo sleep! sleep milo!"....and now shes ....dodoi-ing milo! ..."doidoidoi....doidoidoi...." my.mother.the.devil.to.all.my.previous.cats.the.voice.my.previous.cats.would.run.away.from.
even.if.they.hear.it.from.the.outside. is calling for milo and dodoi-ing him! .........

...

i am quite in shock and will investigate this strange phenomenon. maybe the name Mengada is suitable for him after all.

Engagement Photusss

Haaaaa finally Shafiq Akmal of Candid Syndrome posted the photos from my engagement.

Unfortunately, Lingling and i kinda forgotten to bug him about setting an appointment to select photos for the album. Lambat lagi la nak dapat gambere dalam album nampaknye. But my family and my mom's friends are placated by the photos from my unofficial photogs, the delicious threesome, Shahran, Hendra and Kjell, and the fact that i've printed their (the fam and frens) photos is even better because they wanted something tactile to hold, to prove their photo were taken. Somehow, a photo in their inbox and in a slideshow wasnt enough to satisfy their hunger.

Shafiq Akmal of Candid Syndrome
The official photographer
(ie: the PAID photographer)

The Delicious Threesome
Hendra, Kjell and Shahran Ali
The pro bono photographers


The Delicious Threesome selected photos are available here (Engagement album I)
and here (Engagement album II)
(i need to add new photos with more family members faces in album II since i just figured out how to let non facebook users have access to album. hehe.)

Having four (five if we were to include the assistant) photographers at my engagement was definitely something i am extremely grateful for as they all had their own personal eye and style to photography and they covered the event from every possible aspect. My family have always been particular about wedding photos. One of the criteria for a job well done is, their faces are in the photos. Very very important. And having had 5 photogs! that was well covered. If one didnt catch Mak Teh arranging the hantaran, someone else will, and did.

A hint to give to relatives that hardly ever get their photos taken at important events, ask them to wear sunnies (sunglasses) indoor and outdoor. Confirm there would be at least one photo focused on him/her and they will be happy and they will not criticise your choice of photographer(s) ever again. Case in point in wearing sunnies in door makes you popular to photographer, my uncle who just had his eyes lasered, Pak E.

Every one of my photographers have him focused at least once. If your relative feels silly wearing sunnies indoor, ask them to stand or sit next to someone who doesnt feel silly doing so, or had valid reason not to feel silly. Or ask them to wear sunnies still and if anyone ask them why, tell them to answer "i just had them lasered, dahling!", so it wont be silly. Lying but not silly.

Donate a Dictionary Drive (DDD)

Lively: ok. boleh tahan. ... except they look kinda...erm relaxed and laid back. maybe because they are on their back. .... and ermm..not moving. lively means full of life...right? erm? active? ermm..full of spirit and vivacity? yeah ok.

Natural:

photog: "ok sayangS, i need to take a natural shot"

bride: "ok sayang, meet me in the secondary forest in my backyard, i shall wait for you in the stream ala puteri gunung ledang. you will not lose me as i will wear my pink wedding attire complete with the veil."

groom: "ok sayang, i will don my hot pink jacket and rescue you....do you really have to be in the middle of the stream? ill get wet! but its ok, you are my everything, what is a little cold streaming water will do to me? other than give me hypothermia, ruin the fabric of my dry clean only suit and get leeches up to my private areas. and to show i do not mind all of these, i will even kiss your hand, coz i am your prince charming, here to rescue you, my fair maiden. you just sit there and wait for me in a stream in a forest wearing your dry clean only (probably rented thats why i dont care) attire."

bride: "oh sayang, i do this all the time. every evening i trek in the forest in my best baju kurung / baju kebaya / rented wedding dress/ heels and soak in the stream whilst wearing them. remember sayang? this was how we met? you were trekking in the forest wearing your best clothes/ suit/ tuxedo/office attire/ dressing shoes, and sat to rest by the stream.its only natural we are to have our photo taken like so."

yes. that made a lot of sense. very natural indeed.

or maybe he meant in natural surrounding? ?? ????

Candid: 4: relating to or being photography of subjects acting naturally or spontaneously without being posed

Maybe it waaaassss natural and spontaneous. The groom likes to scare his lady like she is a 2 years old.

"garrgghh!! i.am.a.monster! fear me!"

and the bride naturally does slightly cover her mouth with her hand and slightly smile when she is surprised

"oh my God! you like totally like surprised me! like opocot! tehehe hehe tehehe".

except i dont understand why they did this natural and spontaneous portrait in front of the mosque instead in the bedroom...on the bed. Duh! stupid me! its natural and spontaneous! it doesnt have to be explained! thats why! ....

maybe if the photo title was explained more in detail it would have made more sense..

"Candid Shot of Suami Gersang,
Tak Tahan Hendak Menikam Isteri Sebaik Sahaja Disahkan Suami Isteri. "

yup. that must have been the case.

detailed: i just love a photo showing how dangerously close the eyeliner is to my eyeball. it mixes glamour and danger-of-my-eyeball-being-poked-and-yes-you-can-see-the-inside-of-my-
bottom-eyelids-that-are-normally-hidden.
dont you love this kind of details?

i give him credit. it IS detailed. but.........i really really dont like that pencil so close to my eyeball and having that photo as your top marketing strategy.


artistic: after all the comments above. i will not comment on the imagination of the photographer. he have plenty of imagination! not doubt about that! no-uh!

i wont name the photographer for that though i actually think he takes acceptable photographs. Not my cup of teh tarik perhaps. and i am sure he have actual "lively-natural-candid-more artistic-better detailed" shots.

And maybe he just need a dictionary.

Do you remember?

Remember the time when i was crying?
Remember how you held me close?
Remember when you cried with me?
Remember what i wrote before?

Remember how you listened to me?
Remember when you called me up?
Remembering me to just keep breathing.
Remember what i wrote before?

so its time to move on from all the lies and all half-truths. it is hard when you have gave everything that you have,love, trust and commitment, and accepted flaws and faults. hard to collect back the bits and pieces strewn all over the ground. to form back what you once were. possible, but there will be pieces that have flown with the wind or taken by the waves. but you do it, you pick up what is left. walk slowly on the ever yielding sands, bend and reach for the broken pieces that you can find.

and maybe,just maybe, it will be whole again.

for the missing bits, pieces that were taken by the waves and flew with the winds, might come back in different forms. be it a beautiful shell or raindrops. slowly, it will return: different, almost unrecognisable but there it is, a missing piece returning.

i turn back to my faith. madness, this faith business. putting your absolute trust over something that might or may not happen. on something that is uncertain and intangible. but its your only hope for sanity. faith is the only thing that keeps you going and moving on. something to hold on to, to say "it will be ok, things will turn out right, you wait and see"

faith and words.

only through words i could express my faith. though faith in its madness is quite a fathomless feeling.

i appreciate life. i love small wonders. i love when the rain falls down and i could see the tear shaped drops fall and scatter all over as it touch the ground i walk on, close my eyes and listen to the thunder and lightning rolling, crashing as it cleanses the world as it cleanses my soul. and once in while, just to stand in the rain. i dont think you know that. i love to see the waves roll in as the sun sets, touching the sky with strokes of pink, oranges, purple and blue. i love to feel the warmth of the sun caress my skin, making me feel im alive and i love to see the moon when its full and when the stars are bright as if its there just for me, just a twinkling and shining. a show just for me. thats where my faith lies.

Remember what i wrote before?
Because of you, i am now whole.

Walk slowly on the ever yielding sand,
bend and reach for the broken pieces that you can find,
and sure enough, my faith pulled through,
i found my treasure when i'm with you.*

Happy Valentine Mohd Zulhelmy.

*Two pieces of seaglass found on a beach at Port Dickson. Their edges smooth, worn by the sea, rocks, coral and sand over an unknown number of years. I was lucky to find these two that could be shaped into a heart. Maybe, it's just coincidence, but maybe it's fate.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Things that i associate with chinese new year; the colour red and gold, firecrackers cracking non-stop for a week from dusk till dawn, major discounts and sale everywhere, less traffic in KL, mandarin oranges, beating of drums and appearance of jumping dragons, red ang pow packets and especially for the year 2008, happy smiling people celebrating another new year for the THIRD time. its good to be in a multiracial society.

Wishing all my chinese friends, a happy chinese new year, just be gentle with the beers.

Where there are lotus, there is life

We were on the way to do some last minute relaxation and photo session on the grounds of Angkor Wat for sunset when i saw this lady in the moat. Quickly realising what she's doing, i ran off without telling Maya and Tech my destination. I could hear from the distance Tech exclaiming "Dia pegi mana pulak tuuuu?!!" and i was hoping, kneeling by the moat, hop some more, run a bit by the edges hoping i wont slip and fall into the water and hop and knell and taking around 30 photos of the lady. I must have been a sight. Sometimes, there's just no time to explain things especially when the lady was moving, the sun was disappearing fast and we still had to walk 15 mins into Angkor Wat's internal compound for our preferred seating.

The lotus pond was on the left side of Angkor Wat and it is actually a better place to take photos of Angkor Wat reflection in the water or silhouette than the pond on the right. Note taken for future trip there. Had no chance to change spot because i was actually on the way back from the toilet on the left side and Maya and Tech sudah berkampung on the right.

Had to do some post editing with this one...the was a load of sh!t on the ground (pardon my french) and it just wont do. Lots of shitty puns were said during editing.

Two down, four to go.

Congratulations darling, you are now a Puan.
Tears in her eyes right after Upacara Batal Air Sembahyang

Iza's mother taking a peek

It was a comment by her mother to one of her relative that made me think, she said

"Diorang ni dari darjah satu lagi kenal, kawan-kawan lama Jaja, dah nak kahwin dah sumer ni",

"Wow. She's pretty"

Wow. we have known each other for a loooooooong time and ALL of us are getting married this year (minus 1 of course who couldnt wait and got married 2 years before). The geng, is getting married and iza was the first for the year 2008.


I became the impromptu photographer since there wasnt a photographer in sight when i arrived and when when they did come, they didnt stick around in the room for long but instead did whatever they did downstairs...only once they pass their photos to iza will we discover why they went MIA from the bride's presence when she was getting ready. (*Dayang not happy about them). But heiii, them not being in the room gave more space for me to practice my stuff, and so i did. PPPffhhhtttttttt to them!







More photos are on facebook album. Coz there are ALOT!

Sayang oh sayang

Photos with my Sayang taken by Lingling with his...*collective gasp!* iPhone.

He likes this one for some strange reason. I think its the "Private Carpark" sign. read the meaning behind it yourself.


I hold the camera differently for vertical shot than Lingling. Somehow. Thats how we know who took which vertical shot whenever we review photos. Mine would be 90degree off to the left, his will be 90degree off to the right.

Longkang. Something was in it. Worried expression have a lot to do with the cars passing by the very narrow alley.

As i said again and again, it doesnt matter if you have a dslr for pro or for beginner like me, or a simple point and click camera or a PHONE CAMERA, if you have the right perspective, the right eye and the willingness to climb trees, stand on an unstable pile of rock, get wet or/and lie down in a longkang, you will take an interesting shot.


Or balancing on a VERY HIGH ledge taking an upward shot.


Or making your taxi driver stop suddenly and crossing roads to chase elephants.

It all comes down to: will you or won't you?

And another way to take good photos, follow a crazy enthusiastic girl with a big ass camera and you get interesting shots of her doing everything she can to take a photo.

Kejar-kejar

At one of the backlane of Jonker Street, Malacca, Lingling went wild.

It's a gif btw, might be useful to click on it to view.

Please Mister Postman

Wait, oh yes wait a minute mister postman
Wait, wait mister postman

Mister postman look and see
If there's a letter in your bag for me
I been waiting such a long time
Since I heard from that girl of mine

There must be some word today
From my girlfriend so far away
Please mister postman look and see
If there's a letter, a letter for me
I been standing here waiting mister postman
So patiently
For just a card or just a letter
Saying she's returning home to me

So many days you passed me by
See the tear standing in my eye
You didn't stop to make me feel better
By leaving me a card or a letter

Please Mr. Postman, look and see
If there's a letter, oh yeh for me,
I've been waiting, a long long time
Since I've heard from that girlfriend of mine.

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta check it and see, one more time for me

Wait
Wait
Wait
Deliver the letter, the sooner the better

Wait

The day of silence and oppressive feelings

"Hatred ever kills, love never dies. Such is the vast difference between the two. What is obtained by love is retained for all time. What is obtained by hatred proves a burden in reality for it increases hatred."
- Mohandas K. Gandhi

A thousand cranes to bring hope,
Hope for peace to come,
Hope for peace for all their souls.

Origami cranes at the Choeung Ek Memorial, otherwise known as the Killing Fields, Phnom Penh. More than 5 000 human skulls that were found there filled the Buddhist stupa from the 8 895 that were exhumed and the unknown numbers of remains left undisturbed in their final resting place.

[The rest of the post may contain disturbing images (more to certain readers than others). Readers discretion is advised.]

After more than half a year, i still cant view all the photos i took from there, the feelings of utter loss still linger in me as it did when i walked the grounds of the field, sidestepping pieces of broken bones and rotting cloth still on the ground. in silence i walked, in silence i prayed.

I dont think i want to go there again. To the Killing Fields and to Tuol Sleng (S-21) touture prison. Once was enough. Not to say you shouldn't ever go there, but it is not a place where you want to go repeatedly. There are too much negative emotions that radiate from the ground. The evil surrounds you. The fears and the suffering could be felt, seeping through the walls and grounds at those two sites. You can feel it, you can almost hear it, the moans, the screams , the insanity emanating , burdening your soul, draining any positive thoughts left in you. All you can think, feel, smell and hear was the suffering. Walking through the grounds and through each room, you can see it.

One should go to Phnom Penh and visit Choeung Ek Memorial and Tuol Sleng Genocide Memorial (S-21) , once in their lifetime to fully appreciate what we currently have in Malaysia. It doesn't help that we went there on 31 August 2007, 50th Anniversary for Malaysia's Independence. Immediately, we or rather I finally comprehend the fear, the anger and the suffering our forefathers, our grandparents and parents went through during the Japanese occupation in Malaya. But we didn't experience a genocide. We didnt go through what the Cambodian did during Pol Pot's regime. Estimates of the number of dead range from 1.7 to 2.3 million out of a population of around 7 million. Malayan's were killed and toutured by an outsider, wanting to conquer our land but we didnt kill our own brother and sisters, children killing our own parents and relatives wholeheartedly, and without remorse because of a set of different ideologies. We didn't, but that happened in Cambodia in April 1975 to January 1979.

Chhon, our ever smiling driver in Siem Reap once told the story of his family. His grandmother had/have a house in a middle of a paddy field. Chhon recalls when he was 4-5 years old at the grandmother's house when he saw his two uncles met. According to his grandmother's stories , they were close to each other as they were growing up. He remembers that day, his uncles, two brothers shoot each other. Two brothers who shared everything together while growing up shoot and killed each other in front of their own mother's house. All because one was fighting for Vietnam Liberation Front and another was with Khmer Rouge.

He told the story as if it was just another day in his life, not like the reality where two brothers, his uncles killed each other just because they had different views. Different ideologies. In moments after the story when he thinks we're not paying attention, his ever smiling face changed. You can see, deep within his eyes, there were sadness and regret as he recalled what he saw. The stories of horrors are everywhere in Cambodia. If you choose to listen carefully to the stories softly told by shop keepers, drivers and hotel workers around Cambodia, you will understand that the horrors they are telling you came from personal experiences, not from a documentary or words of others. They lived through it but their parents, siblings, husbands and wives, and children did not.

"in Cambodia, there was no dominant ethnic group oppressing a minority, no country wiping out its neighbor in the name of nationalism. In Cambodia, Khmers killed other Khmers, first over political struggle, then over social ideology, and finally over bloodlust and paranoia as ends in themselves."

- Andy Carvin

"Newspapers and television stations were shut down, radios and bicycles confiscated, and mail and telephone usage curtailed. Money was forbidden. All businesses were shuttered, religion banned, education halted, health care eliminated, and parental authority revoked. "

"Workdays in the fields began around 4 a.m. and lasted until 10 p.m., with only two rest periods allowed during the 18 hour day, all under the armed supervision of young Khmer Rouge soldiers eager to kill anyone for the slightest infraction."

"Anyone suspected of disloyalty to Pol Pot, including eventually many Khmer Rouge leaders, was shot or bludgeoned with an ax. "What is rotten must be removed," a Khmer Rouge slogan proclaimed."

"Ethnic groups were attacked including the three largest minorities; the Vietnamese, Chinese, and Cham Muslims, along with twenty other smaller groups. Fifty percent of the estimated 425,000 Chinese living in Cambodia in 1975 perished. Khmer Rouge also forced Muslims to eat pork and shot those who refused."

- United Human Rights Organisation

I prayed on 31 August 2007, that Malaysians will never experience the level of horror and suffering that the Cambodians did.


Photos from Phnom Penh.

On 31 August 2007, Tech and I took a 3 hours taxi ride from Siem Reap to Phnom Penh. Our one and only objective was to visit 2 infamous genocide memorials of Cambodia. We actually visited Choeung Ek first before Tuol Sleng but to understand the story of Khmer Rouge, we must begin with Tuol Sleng prison.

Tuol Sleng Prison, was once just like any other Phnom Penh High School. Then in 1975, the Khmer Rouge regime converted the high school into one of its interrogation center, codenamed S-21, "Security Prison 21". Ironically, Tuol Sleng means "Hill of the poisonous tree" and indeed it became the site for the most famous and atrocious interrogation center of the Khmer Rouge regime.

The sole purpose of S-21 was to extract confessions through extreme torture from political prisoners and others suspected of disloyalty to the Khmer Rouge. Those that survived the torture were then taken for execution in the middle of a night so that no one outside the centers would suspect to the village of Choeung Ek, more known as the Killing Field.

Nearly 20,000 people are known to have entered S-21 during Khmer Rouge ruling, only 6 are known to have survived.

As soon as we entered the previous high school compound, we felt its negative aura. You know that atrocious horrors have been committed in this place. The place is evil. S-21 compound was mostly left as they were when the Vietnamese invaded Cambodia in 1979 and contains four main building; A, B, C and D.

That's me in "Special Treatment" room in Building A where the high ranking opposition political prisoners or later, high ranking Khmer Rouge own men and women were placed in identical rooms. On a wall of each room there is a photo of the rotting body of the prisoner found in the room by a Vietnamese photographer. The bodies were left as they were after Khmer Rouge regime flee Phnom Penh. All that are left in the rooms are the single photo of the last occupants, the iron bedframe, an iron shackle and an instrument of torture of sort.



The Security Regulations of Tuol Sleng Prison that were posted in every cell

1. You must answer accordingly to my questions - Do not turn them away.
2. Do not try to hide the facts by making pretexts of this and that.
You are strictly prohibited to contest me.
3. Do not be a fool for you are a chap who dares to thwart the revolution.
4. You must immediately answer my questions without wasting time to reflect.
5. Do not tell me either about your immoralities or the revolution.
6. While getting lashes or electrification you must not cry at all.
7. Do nothing. Sit still and wait for my orders. If there is no order, keep quiet.
When I ask you to do something. You must do it right away without protesting.
8. Do not make pretexts about Kampuchea Krom [the Cambodian term for ethnic Cambodians living in the south of Vietnam] in order to hide your jaw of traitor.
9. If you do not follow all the above rules, you shall get many lashes of electric wire.
10. If you disobey any point of my regulations you shall get either ten lashes or five shocks of electric discharge.

A flower left by visitor(s) to ease the soul of those that were tortured in these rooms and cells.
Tech took a photo of me taking a photo of the flower on the iron bed frame. Next to the flower is an iron shackle for the hands. The items found in the room are just like they were.

Among the instrument of torture for the specific detainee. The square box is an ammo case, used as a toilet. But prisoners cannot simply relief themselves whenever they need, they MUST ask for permission from the guard. And most likely than not, permission is not given and they must hold it or suffer the consequences. And if the box is full, it is hardly emptied.

More than 5,000 photographs of prisoners lined the walls. Photos of the living dead. Some seem to know what would befall them, their eyes scream for sympathy. some looked happy even, most was the look of hopelessness. They were meticulous in their records, those Khmer Rouge, thats for sure. They took photos of prisoners when they arrive, photos of those that died in detention and photos of those executed. All are displayed, most have no names. Only their photos are left prove their existence in that hell.

A high ranking opposition officials wife and his newborn baby.
Soon after this mug shot was taken, the baby was taken away from the mother and killed in front of her. You can see in her eyes, the sadness, the hopelessness of the situation, the tears that gathered by the edge. Her gaze were unnerving. as most of the photographs are.



Children were not spared.

Khmer Rouge cadres that became prisoners as paranoia increased within Khmer Rouge regime. They knew what will happen to them, because they once made it happen.



Perhaps he didnt know, perhaps he still had hope he will survive.

How old do you think they were?
How much do you think they will hesitate to kill you if you merely looked at them?

After seeing thousands and thousands of photos with unspoken word from their eyes and thousand other photographs of faces of the dead. I couldnt take it much longer.

Building C is preserved as it was in 1975-1979. All other buildings were previously covered with sharp barb fences. The fences would encase the whole building, from ground floor to third floor. It is done so not to prevent prisoners from escaping, but from desperate prisoners wanting to commit suicide.

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Inside building C, small cells made out of brick (ground floor) and wood (1st floor) were constructed to hold prisoners. Their foot was shackled to the ground or wall. Here, the evil radiates even more strongly. You cannot help but to feel what happened here, even worse, when you begin to hear them.

I wanted to move forward. But i didnt dare to move from where i was. So instead i turned and walked to the other end instead, where more brick cells awaited. Tech later told me why.

Second floor of Building C a large mass cell where around 20 prisoners had their foot alternatively shackled to a long piece of iron bar. Now it is an exhibition room to exhibit photos of the family that were imprisoned in Tuol Sleng. I didnt venture far from this spot. The emotions were at its edge. And feeling of uneasiness was strong in this room.

A moment to reflect once we stepped outside Building C.

"There are too much negative emotions that radiate from the ground. The evil surrounds you. The fears and the suffering could be felt, seeping through the walls and grounds at those two sites. You can feel it, you can almost hear it, the moans, the screams , the insanity emanating , burdening your soul, draining any positive thoughts left in you. All you can think, feel, smell and hear was the suffering. Walking through the grounds and through each room, you can see it."

I ran down the stairs from second floor to step outside. And i just had to sit down and have a moment to think. And yet, i could feel it is worse in building D. and i decided not to venture in it. and i merely waited for Tech there at Building C steps.

It looks just like any other schools. Except for the barb wires.

No one outside Khmer Rouge knew what was going on inside. And after the surviving prisoners were done being interrogated and tortured, they were sent to Choeung Ek, an orchard and an old chinese cemetery a short drive from Phnom Penh to be killed and buried. How? they do not care. But in the dead middle of the night, so others inside the prison and outside will not know what is happening, prisoners would be hauled up into a truck and sent there.

Choeung Ek Extermination Center, the Killing Field. One of Khmer Rouge extermination center and the most populated mass grave sites. An estimated 17, 000 were brought from Tuol Sleng to Choeung Ek to be killed and buried.

A beggar outside Choeung Ek recall the day he lost his leg when he stepped on landmine. He was straight forward about it, probably looking for my sympathy so i would give him a dollar. I did, but i said i needed a photo so it would be fair.

In that buddhist stupa, it is filled top to bottom with human skulls. A mere 5,ooo from the 8,000 found and unknown numbers from undisturbed graves.



Prisoners would be blindfolded and be lined up on their knees. One by one they would be shot or beat on their head with an unknown object from behind, or get their throat slashed. One by one they would be pushed and fall head first into a hole dug by them earlier in the week. It would be merciful is they were shot from the back, but bullets were precious commodities and reserved for special prisoners. Some prisoners were buried alive to save time and energy.

"Magic Tree...The tree was used as a tool to hang a loudspeaker which make sound louder to avoid the moan of victims while they were being executed"

Our guide further explained that the loudspeaker would play loud music or Khmer Rouge propaganda so that the people surrounding Choeung Ek would not hear the moans, cries, screams and gunshots coming from the place and thus, would not suspect their own people being killed everyday by "the Liberators".

The iron shackles that would alternately hold a foot of 20 prisoners.



Knifes are often dull but they dont care about that.
In fact, they kill with anything they can get their hands on, including this jagged edge. The imagination that evil can stem is magnanimous.



"Killing tree against which executioners beat children"

The executioner would take a knife (or anything sharp) and stab children against the tree and leave their bodies hanging. More specifically, they would grab a child leg, swing the child towards the tree and thus, breaking the child's bones and skull. Easier for babies as they would immediately die as they are more fragile.



Pieces of rotting clothes that still litter the ground of Choeung Ek.

Choeung Ek is suprisingly quiet and green. There is a sense of calm to it yet you know what have happened here. If you were to be ignorant, you could imagine you at some park, or your grandfather's orchard. But once you look down on the ground, you can see the remains of dead. Rising up and reminding you, "we were here once, and our story will be told. Until evil is gone from this world, we will not stop rising from the ground to remind you of what human are capable of"

I didnt want to take photos when i was there. But if i didnt, would i remember? would i remember the feelings, the smell, the sound of the tortured? would i let others know that this shouldnt have happened but yet it did? only 28 years ago. how would i let others know that this should not happen again!?

So i took photos. Silently clicking the shutters. Silently looking around with Al-Fatihah constantly being silently uttered from my lips. And i hope i will remember from these photos. And i hope you will understand too.